We are not Normal: Is that a problem for you?

CT scans belong to children of the same age, you’ll notice that the one on the left is much bigger and has fewer blurred structures than the one on the right. 

This radical difference is not caused by disease or physical injury, it’s actually the result of extreme emotional trauma and neglect.

The image comes from a paper by Professor Bruce D Perry, Chief of Psychiatry at Texas Children’s Hospital.

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Feeling good about ourselves, in childhood, in early adulthood and old age, never quite crystslizes for us.

We have that void, it is the space in our brain that being hugged, supported and loved accumulated as the base for self worth. That does not exist for us.

Ours never felt safe, instead it spotted danger, in fact imminent danger.

We have an uninvited ghost (childhood PTSD) sabotaging our “Ego” and self worth from inside our 🧠 brain.

From my perspective, all my therapy, all the books I have devoured and all the actual application of my healing skills, highlighted how much different I was from a normal person.

Instead of belonging to a family, feeling safe, secure, we are outcast from the earliest age.

For the rest of our lives, we subconsciously crave to be normal, included, invisible in the midst of our peers.

We never get close.

My joy in this life only came when I gave up the desire to be normal.

Do I have to state the obvious, that is very, very, not normal.

We live the road less 🧳 traveled, not by choice but by the unwanted abuse we endured as kids.

We spend weeks, actually a lifetime looking for inclusion and self worth.

Common man terms, we crave approval and inclusion, we are terrified of betrayal and ridicule.

We covet things that bring us approval.

Sad, none of these things contain what we lack, wellbeing, love, trust, or happiness.

Without great introspection and effort to improve, we suffer until we die.

I have found myself in two groups in my life that I never desired, chronic pain and PTSD.

It is how we accept our fate, then our ability to fight, that determines if we can carve out a small piece of mind.

This blog has given me a platform to finally feel included to a group.

I belong to your group, fellow abused kids trying to figure out trauma and find the courage to continue living.

I see it in the compassion and sharing of feelings in the response section.

This is one of the few places where I am understood and valued.

Thank you for that.

We are very hard to describe or define, we never really know why we feel and act in certain situations.

I need to work on forgiving myself everyday, it is that stream of guilt that runs underground inside us that haunts me.

Funny, when I am most vulnerable, seemingly in victim mode, sharing my weaknesses, is when my followers have given me a cyber hug.

For me, I have received more kindness on this blog than from real life.

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4 responses to this post.

  1. Very interesting and informative article.

  2. Childhood trauma

    For
    Me

    My earliest traumas lacked a developed brain

    It feels like an octopus’s tentacles

    Which ones are normal
    Development and which ones are trauma

    I know my left
    Prefrontal cortex were
    Not in board during early abuse

    Our memories are
    Cloudy and incomplete

    We are confused about our trauma

    I have never come to an understanding of how and why of life

    Were
    Some
    Of us just meant to suffer

    Did we
    Have a chance

    I do have a chance now

    But in childhood and in college

    I had no clue how damaged and vulnerable I was

    We seem
    To have a complete blind spot about trauma

  3. Oh My God, I needed this so much. I have been getting ready to give up on therapy because I will never be normal. But this make me realize I have a tribe. I had a great talk with a woman at work today. I am not quiet that I am in therapy for trauma. And she opened up to me. And it was like I had been handed a candle and a hug. Bless you

  4. Thank you

    I have been unhinged for the last couple of months with this old trauma erupting

    I have been in the early stage of trauma needing to leave my body and mind

    My posts and demeanor changed

    When trauma comes alive the first couple months the intrusive thoughts and all the stored damage has to exit our being

    Two days ago, enough has exited that I finally could meditate

    It had been a couple months that I could not focus enough to meditate

    We all have blind spots and our intense trauma hides stealthily inside our childhood trauma

    Tuckle our goal is to live as fully as we can, that entails never giving up and never giving in

    Our goal is not to fit in or be like others, normal

    They could not function with our challenges

    I am glad you had that great talk

    You reached out and risked

    Tuckle the people I have help heal (improve) have courage and find a way to take action

    You have demonstrated that

    Know it is hard for us not to worry and doubt

    You have what it takes to improve

    Know that you have qualities that normal people do not possess

    I have never run across another person who has more willpower than me in certain areas

    Yes I have no willpower speaking in front of an audience

    But I can endure pain and keep functioning

    My willpower to survive my father and face my fears in life is my hidden treasure

    If you desire a new skill

    I can help you meditate

    Build a skill that will give you space to find some peace

    My ability to focus and let go, to meditate is my armor and sword

    Ptsd has the least influence in my life when I am present in this moment

    Empty of thought

    Observing what my eyes perceive and other senses sense without judgment is my optimum chance for wellbeing

    We are not going to eliminate our trauma completely

    Healing is an accumulative practice

    It is like lifting weights

    There is a core we build on and our skill gets bigger snd stronger each day we practice

    Ptsd is an elephant

    It is consumed one tiny meal at a time

    Let go of all future predictions

    If you have to judge

    Judge your effort and increase it

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