CT scans belong to children of the same age, you’ll notice that the one on the left is much bigger and has fewer blurred structures than the one on the right.
This radical difference is not caused by disease or physical injury, it’s actually the result of extreme emotional trauma and neglect.
The image comes from a paper by Professor Bruce D Perry, Chief of Psychiatry at Texas Children’s Hospital.
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Feeling good about ourselves, in childhood, in early adulthood and old age, never quite crystslizes for us.
We have that void, it is the space in our brain that being hugged, supported and loved accumulated as the base for self worth. That does not exist for us.
Ours never felt safe, instead it spotted danger, in fact imminent danger.
We have an uninvited ghost (childhood PTSD) sabotaging our “Ego” and self worth from inside our 🧠 brain.
From my perspective, all my therapy, all the books I have devoured and all the actual application of my healing skills, highlighted how much different I was from a normal person.
Instead of belonging to a family, feeling safe, secure, we are outcast from the earliest age.
For the rest of our lives, we subconsciously crave to be normal, included, invisible in the midst of our peers.
We never get close.
My joy in this life only came when I gave up the desire to be normal.
Do I have to state the obvious, that is very, very, not normal.
We live the road less 🧳 traveled, not by choice but by the unwanted abuse we endured as kids.
We spend weeks, actually a lifetime looking for inclusion and self worth.
Common man terms, we crave approval and inclusion, we are terrified of betrayal and ridicule.
We covet things that bring us approval.
Sad, none of these things contain what we lack, wellbeing, love, trust, or happiness.
Without great introspection and effort to improve, we suffer until we die.
I have found myself in two groups in my life that I never desired, chronic pain and PTSD.
It is how we accept our fate, then our ability to fight, that determines if we can carve out a small piece of mind.
This blog has given me a platform to finally feel included to a group.
I belong to your group, fellow abused kids trying to figure out trauma and find the courage to continue living.
I see it in the compassion and sharing of feelings in the response section.
This is one of the few places where I am understood and valued.
Thank you for that.
We are very hard to describe or define, we never really know why we feel and act in certain situations.
I need to work on forgiving myself everyday, it is that stream of guilt that runs underground inside us that haunts me.
Funny, when I am most vulnerable, seemingly in victim mode, sharing my weaknesses, is when my followers have given me a cyber hug.
For me, I have received more kindness on this blog than from real life.
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PTSD - A Way Out.com 
Posted by Dr Kalpana Mishra on December 14, 2020 at 2:53 pm
Very interesting and informative article.
Posted by Marty on December 14, 2020 at 3:02 pm
Childhood trauma
For
Me
My earliest traumas lacked a developed brain
It feels like an octopus’s tentacles
Which ones are normal
Development and which ones are trauma
I know my left
Prefrontal cortex were
Not in board during early abuse
Our memories are
Cloudy and incomplete
We are confused about our trauma
I have never come to an understanding of how and why of life
Were
Some
Of us just meant to suffer
Did we
Have a chance
I do have a chance now
But in childhood and in college
I had no clue how damaged and vulnerable I was
We seem
To have a complete blind spot about trauma
Posted by tuckle on December 15, 2020 at 5:57 am
Oh My God, I needed this so much. I have been getting ready to give up on therapy because I will never be normal. But this make me realize I have a tribe. I had a great talk with a woman at work today. I am not quiet that I am in therapy for trauma. And she opened up to me. And it was like I had been handed a candle and a hug. Bless you
Posted by Marty on December 15, 2020 at 12:01 pm
Thank you
I have been unhinged for the last couple of months with this old trauma erupting
I have been in the early stage of trauma needing to leave my body and mind
My posts and demeanor changed
When trauma comes alive the first couple months the intrusive thoughts and all the stored damage has to exit our being
Two days ago, enough has exited that I finally could meditate
It had been a couple months that I could not focus enough to meditate
We all have blind spots and our intense trauma hides stealthily inside our childhood trauma
Tuckle our goal is to live as fully as we can, that entails never giving up and never giving in
Our goal is not to fit in or be like others, normal
They could not function with our challenges
I am glad you had that great talk
You reached out and risked
Tuckle the people I have help heal (improve) have courage and find a way to take action
You have demonstrated that
Know it is hard for us not to worry and doubt
You have what it takes to improve
Know that you have qualities that normal people do not possess
I have never run across another person who has more willpower than me in certain areas
Yes I have no willpower speaking in front of an audience
But I can endure pain and keep functioning
My willpower to survive my father and face my fears in life is my hidden treasure
If you desire a new skill
I can help you meditate
Build a skill that will give you space to find some peace
My ability to focus and let go, to meditate is my armor and sword
Ptsd has the least influence in my life when I am present in this moment
Empty of thought
Observing what my eyes perceive and other senses sense without judgment is my optimum chance for wellbeing
We are not going to eliminate our trauma completely
Healing is an accumulative practice
It is like lifting weights
There is a core we build on and our skill gets bigger snd stronger each day we practice
Ptsd is an elephant
It is consumed one tiny meal at a time
Let go of all future predictions
If you have to judge
Judge your effort and increase it