Traits of Narcissistic Parents:

Pixabay: Fanette

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From https://bandbacktogether.com/master-resource-links-2/mental-illness-resources/adult-children-of-narcissistic-parents/

Traits of Narcissistic Parents:

While these traits may not match all Narcissistic Parents, what follows are some common traits of Narcissistic Parents:

1) A Narcissistic Parent has difficulty understanding the emotions of empathy and how to create meaningful connections. As the personal needs of Narcissistic Parents dominate, these parents have little room for the needs of anyone else. It makes it almost impossible for these Narcissistic Parents to relate to the feelings and meet the physical and emotional needs of their children.

2) A Narcissistic Parent owns the successes of his or her children. In a Narcissistic Parents mind, he or she has been sacrificing everything for his or her child – the child must retaliate by performing at or above expectations. These childhood achievements are then owned by the Narcissistic Parent as their own, “he’s a great soccer player – it’s my genetics. I was always athletic, too.”

3) Narcissistic Parents must be in control. No matter what. A Narcissistic Parent controls his or her children by dictating how these children should feel, should act, and the decisions to be made. This can lead to adult children of Narcissistic Parents being unsure of what they, themselves, like and want out of life. These Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents never learn to be autonomous and make his or her own decisions.

4) Narcissistic Parents emotionally blackmail their children. A Narcissistic Parent often is indulgent, kind, and sweet if a child is behaving in the way their Narcissistic Parent wants. However, the moment a child is disobedient, a Narcissistic Parent becomes enraged and cruel. This show of “I love you, go away,” creates insecurity and dependency among children of Narcissistic Parents.

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My two cents: I can check everyone of those boxes as part of my childhood.

Funny, how books explain all my deficiencies, my lack of autonomy, the damaged self worth, inability to trust, and the need to avoid and isolate for protection.

Childhood suffering turns into adult vulnerability, we are always behind, chasing a way to be normal or at least out of the relentless pain that follows us.

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6 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by rudid96 on November 25, 2020 at 2:28 pm

    I too can check each and every box. Is there no end to the suffering. Work so hard at changing the pattern, Mindfully creating in the here and now but past imprinting and present obligations leave little escape from this prison

  2. Expectation

    Expect times are going to be horrible

    We will not to try to escape, to be anything else

    For me I do not want to be me anymore when trauma rears it’s ugly head

    I have fought and devoted more time to healing than anyone I know

    My expectations were to heal and be like normal kids or adults

    That will never happen

    For me I am 69
    And as you read in this blog I am figuring out why my life was a nightmare

    This is an invisible prison and mine is active from an old trauma exploding

    Life changes when things explode and our
    Demons come out of hiding

    I thought I had all the answers

    Well I have helped people heal and I know my path works

    But my childhood does not heal like others I have helped

    At 69 I have old trauma coming forth after all my work there is still more in there

    At 69 my suffering with childhood trauma and betrayal has already taken my life

    I can not change the damage my dad did to me

    He altered the normal
    Development of my mind

    The result is clear now

    My accomplishment are helping others navigate Ptsd because of my experience

    I will never taste the waters of feeling ok

  3. I could write a thesis on this subject unfortunately.

  4. That’s true isn’t it

    When I found myself in a 15 person chronic pain group

    It hit me these are my peers now

    We enter childhood like that

    We did not win the birth lottery

    Thanks for your input

  5. Yeah, it is hard not to be resentful about. I try not to be, but you know…

  6. Oh yes

    Many little healing phrases

    Just don’t think about it

    It’s over just be here

    I have some who say

    Look at how damaged your father was

    I do not give a shit about having empathy for my violent abuser

    I became the opposite of that animal

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