Pixabay: Soledadsnp
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From Dr. Nicholas Jenner on his onlinetherapist.blog
“I am convinced that codependents come into adulthood seeking the basic connection with others that they failed to find with their parents.
In a process of compulsion repetition, they engage in relationships with people similar to their caregivers, trying to solve the original problem.
In the specific case of codependency, this means controlling the environment and the people in it to gain reassurance and emotional security, mirroring childhood.
As we know, this means sacrifice, martyrdom, victimhood and the main principles of the drama triangle, fixing, anger and self loathing.
Codependents feel they need to be in a relationship to feel secure and once they are, will do all they can to stay in it.
Our logical mind often tells us that we need to make changes in our lives.
This is often overwhelmed by the emotional part of our thinking that holds fear, shame and reminds us how difficult change might be.
This protective thinking is the main reason we become stuck when deciding what to do.
It protects us from our primary fears, not good enough, abandonment, fear of commitment, rejection.
The thinking we listen wants us to stay exactly where we are so we don’t face these fears.”
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My two cents: In early adulthood I was extremely vulnerable.
I stayed after a public betrayal by my first love, first girlfriend in college.
Staying was humiliating publicly and extremely damaging but I was paralyzed like this article says.
Sad, abused kids need to suffer more in adulthood without knowing why or how to fix it.
Oh yes. We have enormous rage and resentment for all abusers in our life.
We battle an invisible monster, a caregivers treachery, for life.
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PTSD - A Way Out.com 
Posted by rudid96 on November 25, 2020 at 2:24 pm
Mindful Marty, my two cents
Carrying the rage and resentment for my physical abuser and the now, needy abuser wears heavy on my soul. Society dictates one must operate within the ‘norms.’ Play the correct role. To speak of the abuse ensures shocked silence, embarrassed stares, & quiet shunning. What of this false identity that has masqueraded for the ‘me’ that just wants to fit in.
To carry the myth of ‘all is well’ shred the soul. My truth is consumed by the inner fires of rage & resentment. My truths live being denied.
I’m reminded of the play, “The Lady or The Tiger.”
So while others stuff down turkey, I stuff down rage and tears of the abandoned SELF.
Posted by Marty on November 25, 2020 at 2:38 pm
You have my inner rage and resentment
It is not healthy for us to carry it
It is an unwelcome traveler
Look at our mind, it stores the most horrible shit that happens to us in special storage inaccessible consciously
Our issues have long passed rudid96
Why do they have such power in our hidden memory
You know I have spent 10 years of intensive full time effort trying to heal
Five years with therapy, reading and meditating five hours everyday and this demon keeps arriving with daily suffering
We, abused children are haunted for the rest of our life
We can see feel the difference that normal kids do not carry this burden, they trust and seem to be comfortable around people and do not fear betrayal and suffering like we do
I read on Ptsd discussion board how young girls being raped by dad etc suffer forever
Life is never safe for them, intimacy with sex has been permanently altered
Many become prostitutes, drug addicts and worse but none of it was their doing
Our brains wired differently
Our childhood was lived in survival mode
Not supposed to be substituted for a calm safe secure, normal mode others take for granted