https://pixabay.com/users/johnhain-352999/
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I am just realizing some of my habits were created from childhood trauma.
My Childhood was void of trust, it was a violent struggle for a little boy to survive. No attachments were created with my parents, I hated my father, my abuser.
After leaving the household for college, the first person I trusted betrayed me in a horrendous way.
Consequences: Life was much better not trusting people, being dependent on myself, especially when a crisis occurred.
How do you trust after a childhood where I was brutalized emotionally and physically until I left that house?
Childhood did not turn out ok, I was severely damaged and isolated from healthy connections to my peers. I was not allowed to dilute my father’s control with having close friends and a girlfriend was forbidden.
My brain lacked social skills to trust and bond with the group.
Do I cry about lacking, become a victim or do I learn to live without people’s help. That answer is quite obvious.
PTSD is an irrational disorder, we make decisions in survival mode that do not work in normal life. Things are extremely distorted inside our damaged brains.
How does a person like me get to therapy and then trust a therapist?
Trust is a shallow connection to another for me. I just realized how sad this is.
How do we trust on a deep level?
My only touch I received in childhood was getting beat. That does not promote trust or closeness.
Who do you call?
69 years of not trusting is a big mountain!
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PTSD - A Way Out 
Posted by rudid96 on November 13, 2020 at 4:32 pm
69 years of not trusting is a big mountain indeed! I don’t have any real answers related to how to fully trust a human. All I do know is that I’m urged by my therapist and related mental health literature to ‘create a new story’, one that reflects the present -day story I want to live. Perhaps those that identify with this blog can embrace the past with ‘radical acceptance’. I working to live for today. However, that being said, I’m wondering if Acceptance also means that trust and connection will always be slightly askew. There will always be a disproportionate need to balance interconnectedness with the safety of aloneness. Feeling your pain and supporting your struggle Mindful Marty.
Posted by Marty on November 13, 2020 at 4:35 pm
Just because I do not trust does not mean I am not happy
Even in this moment I am cautious and have no desire to go to any social event
Rather enjoy safety if my bedroom but I am older
Think about a vet with serious PTSD.
22 of his buddies are committing suicide every day
Even if he is in the present moment his fears come with him.
A car backfires
Some words or therapists have theories but how do you take that violent trauma out of his being
That could be mixed with survivors guilt
Plus they are younger with far more testosterone and adrenaline flowing
If therapy is so good why can they not slow the suicides
I mean can they not teach them to be present
Posted by Marty on November 13, 2020 at 4:45 pm
Rewriting our story
Wow
That is deep
Acceptance to me is not rewriting things
I have tried to change the outcomes of betrayal. Is that changing the story
What does acceptance mean to you
This will be good post