Pixabay: geralt
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PTSD by definition is irrational.
It is a survival reaction when no real danger exists.
Life is irrational inside my trauma, experiencing the event.
My girlfriend was gangraped at a frat house.
I saw what it did to her, I experienced the assault through the damage it did to her.
They bragged about what they did on that small campus, gangrape was not enough to fulfill their brutal lust, public ridicule and humiliation was added.
Now, this event and the terror and humiliation I felt are alive like it was yesterday.
That is irrational but the drugs and movie that plays brings enormous sadness.
One gals dreams ended that night.
I witnessed a kind 19 year old girl be destroyed emotionally.
She was never the same.
Life’s value took a big hit for me. Nothing I could accomplish could fix or change what happened to her.
Life is so cruel at times.
Life would never be same for her or me.
Rationally I know this has no power in this moment but it brings a deep deep sadness to my soul.
No,wonder I buried this.
Comments or opinions are welcomed.
How does It make you feel?
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PTSD - A Way Out.com 
Posted by Waiting Patiently on September 22, 2020 at 11:37 pm
I can read the sadness in your writing. Curious that this surfaced so late in life…but that’s PTSD right? It’s clear you were a bystander in this with catastrophic consequences. Terror and humiliation are controlling feelings that can paralyze the feeler. We all have moments where we all fall into that at moments in our lives and it sticks. You still deserve a life. That is your work. I get tired of the work…just want peace
Posted by Marty on September 23, 2020 at 12:06 am
My childhood trauma came out decades later
So it may be my pattern
In some ways it’s much worse
I am mature and see clearly how horrific this event was for her
I hoped to find another guy whose girlfriend was gangraped
There seems to be a big void on male shame or humiliation
Male on male rape dominated male shame
No books on amazon
All her dreams
I mean everyone in that campus knew and started at both of us
It broke me
I never trusted a woman again
Posted by mentalhealth360.uk on September 23, 2020 at 6:07 pm
It’s terribly sad that his happened and I can feel your pain.