PTSD is a bluff, the real danger is over. Sometimes for decades

https://pixabay.com/users/Prawny-162579/

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In my life two big traumas dominate all others, childhood and a horrific assault in college.

Neither one caused PTSD until decades later, childhood trauma erupted after a family crisis triggered my panic, the latter exploded during this pandemic and quarantine.

I thought healing was complete as my childhood trauma integrated. Then isolated with this quarantine, an old horrific event surfaced with enormous energy (fear, humiliation, shame and unworthiness).

In the beginning trauma becomes real for us, I was transported back to the event with all the highly charged fight or flight drugs being dumped into my blood stream.

The neurotransmitters are real, the emotions are the same, saved then stored at the time it happened.

For me, a short emotionally charged movie plays, whenever and wherever it decides.

Remember, we can not reach our trauma consciously, it has full autonomy to come and go anytime.

If I interact with these images and judgments, my trauma grows and gets worse.

Staying present, observing this movie is the best I can do.

We all try to manipulate and change the outcome of the event, but the danger is over and the event is now implicit memory.

No real danger exists now, PTSD is a bluff, an over compensation of our defense mechanism to protect from future trauma.

If I try to influence these judgments or the movie it grows. Avoiding, denying and dissociating are jet fuel for PTSD.

Pulling back, focused on my breath, watching the judgments and movie leave my consciousness, is my goal.

I do not control how many times I need accomplish this task for healing to be complete.

Our journey has more well being when we stay in the present moment, whether we be a normal person or a sufferer of complex PTSD.

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2 responses to this post.

  1. I like the way you’ve been able to rationalise your experience and yes, mindfulness is a great skill to use.

  2. Rationalize

    Well PTSD by definition is irrational

    It is a survival reaction when no real danger exists

    I am irrational inside experiencing the event.

    My girlfriend was gangraped at a frat house.

    I saw what it did to her, I experienced the assault through the damage it did to her

    Now, this event and the terror and humiliation I felt are alive like it was yesterday.

    That is irrational but the drugs and movie that plays brings enormous sadness

    One gals dreams ended that night

    Life’s value took a big hit for me. Noting I could accomplish could fix or change what happened to her.

    Life is so cruel at times

    Life would never be same

    Rationally I know this has no power in this moment but it brings a deep deep sadness to my soul

    No,wonder I buried this

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