https://pixabay.com/users/Michael_Luenen-2998623/
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Being abused in childhood, impacted my mind permanently. I am not saying this abuse rules my mind but it will at least lay dormant until I die.
Happiness was impossible, imminent danger lived inside my home and I was his only target.
Survival and shame dominated my thoughts, helped formulate my unworthy self image and destroyed my nervous system.
I always knew something was wrong, like I was flawed, unworthy, not like other people.
Then one day in my 50’s a family crisis ignited my childhood trauma. It was alive, bringing that terrifying jolt to my solar plexus, cortisol and adrenaline, PTSD’s scare drugs.
Took me 6 years to heal or improve, for the suffering to curtail and life to have a little lightness, some contentment.
When I improved or healed, the suffering dissipated, the intrusive thoughts lost power without attention.
For 60 years I enjoyed momentary joy from accomplishments, however happiness was a stranger.
To heal or improve, I had dedicated five hours a day to meditating and healing.
On this journey, while entering into mundane tasks, (a mindful practice) I found happy moments.
Moments free of any deadline or time apparatus, where thought had curtailed, where things unfolded naturally.
These moments calmed my being beyond any prior feeling.
Looking at nature one day, I saw perfection, was it out of body or was I just one with it?
I believe if I can find some happiness, then you can also.
It is not easy, it takes courage and daily action.
Thoughts?
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PTSD - A Way Out.com 
Posted by isidrobuquiron7876 on June 9, 2020 at 4:28 pm
Yes, it is all about effort and dedication to heal and find meaning.
As always, Thank you!
Posted by Marty on June 9, 2020 at 5:22 pm
Not easy
I learned to focus on small specific concrete actions
One symptom dissociation
The kingpin
Stay present and let thought go and Ptsd loses power
Weaken it a little everyday
Posted by wediditptsd on June 9, 2020 at 11:16 pm
What types of meditation do you do?
Posted by Marty on June 10, 2020 at 12:42 am
At the zen center I was taught the Soto Zen meditation similar
To vipassana meditation
I use my breathing model to follow my breath as I focus on my hearing
When thoughts clear I explore my inner world
In the beginning I built enough focus to stay present when my fight or flight mechanism fired
I focus on meta at times
Loving kindness meditation
Hoping all beings suffering would be lessened
It is a simple practice that requires daily effort and trust
Posted by wediditptsd on June 10, 2020 at 12:50 am
Thanks for sharing this
Posted by Marty on June 10, 2020 at 1:10 am
I can help if you want to start a practice
Start with three breaths slow and easy
No pressure
No right or wrong
Posted by wediditptsd on June 10, 2020 at 1:23 am
Thank you. We have started. We appreciate hearing your choices. Your experience is helpful
Posted by Marty on June 10, 2020 at 1:26 am
I am happy for you
Enjoy the journey
Posted by Marty on June 10, 2020 at 1:31 am
I use this model
It is visual and highlights the four parts of the breath
Inhale pause exhale pause
This may help keep thoughts at bay
Use hearing also
Try to hear your j games and exhales
Be gentle on yourself and keep going
Changes take a whole and are subtle
Good luck
https://ptsdawayout.com/mindfulness/
Posted by rudid96 on June 10, 2020 at 3:30 pm
Often I dreamed that adulthood would resolve all my childhood “issues.” Not so! Sliding into the adult portion of life with much of my personal resources undeveloped and drained left me unprepared to handle the real work of living and navigating adult challenges. What I found was fatigue, disillusionment, depression and a general crisis of values. It’s been and still is, A LOT of on-going, conscious work to focus my attention and develop the personal resources for happiness. This is not for the faint hearted. This takes commitment. Understanding deeply, intellectually and somatically that there’s no magic genie sent from above to rescue me from others or myself was sobering and something to grieve. Now I work at recognizing joy, staying open to experiencing, and learning that it’s ‘Ok’ to let it go. This is my daily work.
Posted by Marty on June 10, 2020 at 3:38 pm
And that is all you can do
It the basis for a happy life
You have a memory of improving in the face of ptsd already
Living for us is a moment to moment awareness
It is never perfection or do we yearn to be perfect
When we regress we know the path back to center
Dreams need action, daily action and a plan combined with some tools for change to happen
Good job
You are improving
Posted by wediditptsd on June 10, 2020 at 5:34 pm
We always wondered if our breathing/meditation coach had us visualize our posture during in-breath to occupy our mind. Probably!
Posted by Marty on June 10, 2020 at 5:45 pm
Yes
Having a model defines all four phases of the breath
I use listening intently also
I can hear my inhales and exhales when I slow down
In the end we find a no thought space where everything else fades our breath included
Take what works best for you
I have multiple ways to focus if one if thoughts are difficult
Posted by Eve on June 19, 2020 at 7:58 pm
I believe we can heal, and get better with our issues. Meditation has helped massively ❤
Posted by Marty on June 19, 2020 at 10:13 pm
Thank you
That was my way out
Well a main ingredient
Posted by Maddie on June 27, 2020 at 8:07 pm
Wow. this is incredible. I really enjoyed reading this!
Posted by Maddie on June 27, 2020 at 8:08 pm
Please feel encouraged to check out my recent blog post regarding PTSD awareness day (today, June 27th) or just the overall PTSD awareness month of June! Thank you❤️
Posted by Eve on July 22, 2020 at 1:06 pm
Thankyou for sharing! So inspiring ❤
Posted by Marty on July 22, 2020 at 1:10 pm
Thank for for your kindness
Early in this blogs life, I did not feel comfortable sharing my personal challenges, the messy details but now I see that many identify with the humbling and terrifying part of the journey
It is what we do when Ptsd is at its apex of power that decides who wins
Ptsd or us
Posted by Kellie on July 22, 2020 at 9:36 pm
Thank for sharing this, very interesting 😊
Posted by Marty on July 22, 2020 at 11:48 pm
Your welcome
Posted by Q on July 23, 2020 at 1:21 am
I feared for a very long time that I could never get better. I could not separate from my trauma; I could not stop myself from collapsing into depression. There was no hope. I honestly told my therapist, “I will never get over this. The best I can do it learn to manage it a bit better.”
But to my surprise, like you, I have found that it IS possible to heal. I mean, the wounds are still there, and once in a while something triggers them. But I don’t suffer as much or as long. I notice that I have been triggered, and the wisest part of myself steps in to assist, to comfort, to soothe.
Also like you, I have found meditation to be an enormously helpful tool. In addition, mindful yoga, cranio-sacral therapy and other forms of tuning in to the energy of my body have all helped me bring the concepts I started learning in therapy from my head down into my heart.
It’s very important, I think, that we share these messages so others can take some hope that their suffering doesn’t have to last forever. Thanks for your post!
Posted by Marty on July 23, 2020 at 2:01 pm
Thank you for sharing your insight.
I did cranial sacral therapy and was introduced to meditation thru the gentle yoga studio I frequented.
Both helped. If you have childhood abuse there does not exist that immediate awakening or healing.
I healed in very subtle ways in the beginning, then in small increments from many different healing action I did everyday.
I would like to offer you a platform to write a post about your journey
What worked
what did not
What influenced you to take action in the face of helplessness
How did you handle setbacks
How did understanding the mechanism of PTSD help
Like you Meditation was my aircraft carrier
Always undervalued and not given air time is exercise
For me it was aerobic exercise, vigorous, challenging hiking uphill for me
It gave me exhilaration, achievement and satisfaction
Even when my mind was frozen my legs could move
My first victory was realizing PTSD could not stop my body from excelling
We have to find power, use our strengths and traumas weaknesses