https://pixabay.com/users/Simon-3/
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A big emotional trauma buried immediately when it happened, enetered my consciousness 3 weeks ago. The power and intensity of ptsd had faded when I healed the first time 6 years ago.
My life had returned to a new normal, better than anytime in my life.
Three weeks ago that changed abruptly.
The skills I share as a mentor, did not deter the flooding of emotional terror and intrusive thoughts.
What I tell others, to let the storyline go, was near impossible as the images and storyline never stopped coming. PTSD wears us out emotionally and physically at first.
This is how overwhelming ptsd is in the beginning, and how all our effort seems to be worthless.
It feels like trauma has an infinite amount of power, maybe it will never end.
This is the critical time, when many give up.
Therapists have a term called the Window of Tolerance. It means our nervous system, our trauma is at an acceptable level for us to start healing.
It has taken me 3 weeks of intensive meditating, integrating and surrendering to these fears to attain my Window of Tolerance.
I may regress from time to time however enough of this trauma has been brought to present time, weakening my intrusive thoughts and body trauma.
This initial period is when most ptsd sufferers who take action, give up to soon.
My intrusive thoughts, my ego identifying with this trauma, made me a victim in this scenario.
Thinking was my downfall.
I powered my new PTSD for a couple weeks.
Never thought that could ever happen to me again with my skill set and experience.
My Ego feels humbled by its power and ability to bring suffering.
I felt permanent damage, a mirage created by traumatic fear.
We need to survive the initial barrage of overwhelming emotions and anxieties. We must endure to heal.
It is the road less traveled, the first mountain is arduous and seems it has no end.
It is a butte not Mount Everest.
Our perception inside our head is flawed, unbearable fear grants ptsd unlimited power.
In reality, ptsd has a finite amount of stored trauma, we never know how much is there.
Having a mentor or a therapist in the beginning makes the journey much easier.
That is what this blog was created for.
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PTSD - A Way Out.com 
Posted by rudid96 on July 21, 2020 at 3:47 pm
I too am humbled by the power of the PTSD memory. It’s comforting to hear the power of the memory is limited. The other day, out of nowhere, something I saw on the road threw my calm into a terrible place. When I tried to explain it in T, the PTSD spun out into one of those ugly dissociation. I’m always mortified afterwards & the thought of returning to therapy daunting. Very glad you share your experience here Mindful Marty. Thank you for normalizing it.
Posted by Marty on July 21, 2020 at 3:54 pm
Well normalizing, I think my sharing its power and how scary it is to me and I healed once is valuable
I hate this recent trauma, it brought incredible fear and humiliation
My resistance made me suffer
I thought I was beyond anything like this.
The stored trauma is finite no matter how it feels now
Posted by Marty on July 21, 2020 at 3:57 pm
We have to reach our window of tolerance for healing to happen
We have to work on releasing our body trauma, and our storyline of trauma
I suffered when my trauma when my trauma exceeded that window of tolerance
We are in deep survival mode when outside the window of tolerance
Suffering happens at this stage
Usually we avoid, deny and isolate
Posted by rudid96 on July 21, 2020 at 5:19 pm
I do a lot to avoid seeing my trauma in my head. I turn away from thoughts and images. However what I can’t drop are the body sensations. They come on like a steam roller and leave me exhausted and sometimes frozen. When the therapy session is too much & I’m outside my WOT it’s not good. There’s too much suffering and not enough healing.
Posted by Marty on July 21, 2020 at 5:28 pm
You are probably outside your window of tolerance
Some of that body trauma needs to be release.
Needs to be observed, while we are focused, without thought, when we quiet down and focus
If you could tolerate taking your breath into those body sensations
Things can change
One you will be changing direction and attitude
You will become more familiar with your body sensation without judgment or cognition
These body sensation are awkward and some intense but without the storyline they are a form of energy
My trauma this energy leaves acting pissed off for me
It is like a big battle
I sit quiet and focus
I take my breath to the center of the unrest
I see it as energy. Neutral
Like Christmas nice oajn. Most think it is evil because it hurts
But pain has no emotion it is a body function neutral
Our stored trauma without the storyline is scary energy trapped because it overwhelmed us
Each time you can sit and focus and experience these body sensations without thought some energy get dissipated
Think of a small kiddie pool of water and we have a decent size pitcher.
The water is PTSD
Keep scooping rudid96
Never give in, never give up