Pixabay; geralt
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The Body Keeps the Score;
The overwhelming experience is split off and fragmented, so that the emotions, sounds, images, thoughts, and physical sensations related to the trauma take on a life of their own.
The sensory fragments of memory intrude into the present, where they are literally relived.
As long as the trauma is not resolved, the stress hormones that the body secretes to protect itself keep circulating, and the defensive movements and emotional responses keep getting replayed.
Unlike Stan, however, many people may not be aware of the connection between their “crazy” feelings and reactions and the traumatic events that are being replayed.
They have no idea why they respond to some minor irritation as if they were about to be annihilated.
Flashbacks and reliving are in some ways worse that the trauma itself.
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PTSD - A Way Out.com 
Posted by jennymckinny on July 29, 2020 at 8:56 pm
I’ve had the same job since I left my abuser; almost 2 years. Right now I am in extreme danger of losing because I literally can not handle being any where that is not home. When I do go, I leave early… and because of the panic attacks, I can not bring myself to tell them I’m leaving. I just sneak out.
Posted by Marty on July 30, 2020 at 12:26 am
It’s called agoraphobia
I was stuck in my garage for six months
Your in survival mode, Ptsd is active, probably hyper vigilant
Maybe fight or flight firing
Try not to judge yourself
Ptsd is irrational by definition and you are in the midst of imminent danger or your amygdala thinks so
All your effort needs to be directed at releasing the body trauma and working on the storyline
That movie playing inside your head ignited your fight or flight mechanism
Posted by jennymckinny on July 30, 2020 at 4:27 am
The mental health services where I live are more then lacking, I’m a single mom of 4. At first, I thought writing about it, finally stopping the secrets would help. Either it makes it worse or I have to stories from when I was a kid too. Idk. But I am so thankful for your words.
Posted by Marty on July 30, 2020 at 4:49 am
Thinking about it makes it grow
You have to calm your system down enough to be able to start healing some of this
Do you meditate
Posted by jennymckinny on July 30, 2020 at 4:51 am
I pray and read my bible; I hear it’s similar
Posted by Marty on July 30, 2020 at 4:52 am
Nope
Different
No reading
Nothing cognitive at all
No thinking
Just focus on the breath
Posted by Marty on July 30, 2020 at 4:54 am
Praying and reading the Bible are fine but for healing Ptsd
Not so good
Posted by Marty on July 30, 2020 at 5:31 am
https://ptsdawayout.com/healing/
See if this helps
https://ptsdawayout.com/2018/09/13/breathing-track-basics/