C PTSD – A Way Out A mindful way to heal

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Healing was incremental for me, each plateau reached through concerted action over months. Nothing came easy or quick.

Complex PTSD from a childhood does not heal miraculously, quickly or easily. The mind was not fully developed when trauma entered its world. Hard to tell what is normal and what is the aftermath of abuse.

Aerobic exercise, therapy, reading, meditating, practicing acceptance, applying mindfulness and persistence each brought benefits for me. Sometimes all hope seemed lost but something inside refused to give up.

This trait is very important. Lots of setbacks, even perceived losses on this journey. That inner guide can be our savior in our low moments.

Meditating and mindfulness carved out a small secure space for me to survive. This space grew incrementally as I healed.

It was like climbing a ladder, each successive rung revealed more of the horizon, more of the path.

Acceptance was difficult, releasing the shame and guilt reached a sticking point. My fear, worry and confusion kept me paralyzed for months.

I still had resistance, actually I was terrified, my fight or flight mechanism dumped cortisol and adrenaline preparing for a perceived lethal threat. The drugs are real, the anxiety almost unbearable, but the storyline is the mirage.

Being vulnerable, that is surrendering completely in the face of my trauma, broke the traffic jam. It was scary not to resist, to be so vulnerable, so defenseless.

With arms outstretched, totally open, I pictured my heart as a butterfly net.

I caught my trauma thoughts gently, exploring with a curious mindset.

I had found the next step, being vulnerable, surrendering to my fears.

This exposed my fears so I could observe them without the “Egos” bias.

Surrendering stops the what if’s, why me, etc.

Our trauma melts when we surrender in the face of their perceived imminent danger.

This is accepted brain science now, how we integrate trauma stored in our right amygdala.

If I was wrong we would not survive a fight or flight explosion.

I survived ten a day for a couple years. It was not a fun life but it did not kill me, so PTSD is a bluff.

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