Pixabay: geralt
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Growing up in the violence of a critical narcissistic father, my self worth was heavily damaged.
There was no escape, my abuser was a giant, I was helpless, I was a thing to him. He wanted to own me, control me, use me for his gratification as a star athlete.
My father coveted my being, my soul, to fill the void in his life. As a child, I imagined this was how everyone was raised.
You would think this was a life sentence of suffering for that little boy, but you would be wrong. I always knew something was wrong, that immense unworthy feeling never left my side.
My trauma lay dormant until a crisis in my life at age 58, then all hell broke loose.
Finally a therapist diagnosed me with C-PTSD.
I had an opponent, an antagonist to face, an opportunity to heal had arrived.
The ghost that haunted my life came into the light.
Fear had a name, PTSD.
PTSD became my opponent.
Just like the jock I am, a plan of attack was charted and intense daily action was taken.
Being able to let the long term goals alone, allowed me to enter the process more freely.
Attitude and Effort is what I brought everyday to my healing.
I was retired, so healing became my full time job.
Five hours of meditating, couple hours of reading, one hour of aerobic exercise, and constant application filled each day.
I was a professional athlete, so using my strengths seemed logical.
Use your strengths and modify any therapy to fit you.
Never give up, never give in, we control our attitude and effort.
Be positive, be inspired to give all our effort.
Relax, enjoy life, smile, you have done your best.
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PTSD - A Way Out 
Posted by jumandi64 on November 10, 2019 at 4:16 pm
Great post . I agree never give up
Posted by Marty on November 10, 2019 at 4:28 pm
Thanks for your input
We can accomplish so much more than our egos grant us to think about
Posted by martha mclaughlin on November 10, 2019 at 5:34 pm
Therapy as boot camp! Good for you for taking it on and bringing your whole self through.
Posted by Marty on November 10, 2019 at 5:45 pm
Healing is not a half way investment, it is a battle for our life, most do not see this
Posted by Marty on November 10, 2019 at 5:46 pm
Also, all the activity occupied my mind, kept it focused on now and not ruminating on negative thoughts.
Posted by martha mclaughlin on November 10, 2019 at 5:51 pm
Yes. That’s maybe the gift of our suffering? I never felt anything as urgent as my need to heal to relieve my suffering. It was a compulsion that created a focus and discipline on integrating lost parts and reclaiming my or claiming a Self.
Posted by martha mclaughlin on November 10, 2019 at 5:54 pm
Except 5 hours of daily meditation is pretty heroic—it’s not doing, it’s being, and it’s being “with” yourself, and when yourself feels threatening and overwhelming, being with one self can feel like the opposite if healing. I applaud your drive.
Posted by Marty on November 10, 2019 at 6:34 pm
It takes practice, small, concrete immediate actions
Following the breath til I mastered it
That sounds very egotistical but five hours a day for five years earned a certainty skill
Thanks for your input
You can heal also
Posted by Marty on November 10, 2019 at 7:56 pm
I agree
Change is hard for all
Posted by 4now on November 10, 2019 at 9:55 pm
Thank you, Marty! I love receiving your inspirational and healing posts. Much joy to you.
In gratitude,
Steven
Sent from my iPhone.
Posted by Marty on November 10, 2019 at 9:56 pm
Thank you for your gratitude
We journey together