Characteristics of codependents : by Fariborz Arbasi



Characteristics of codependent People are:



• Low self esteem often projected onto others.


• Being either super responsible or super irresponsible.


• A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue


• Lack of self confidence in making decisions, no sense of power in making choices.


• A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time


• Feeling of fear, insecurity, inadequacy, guilt, hurt, and shame which are denied.


• A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts


• Isolation and fear of people, resentment of authority figures.


• An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment


• Fear of anger or bottling anger up till it explodes.


• An extreme need for approval and recognition


• Hypersensitivity to criticism.


• Being addicted to excitement / drama.


• A sense of guilt when asserting themselves


• A compelling need to control others


• Tendency to look for “victims” to help.

• Rigidity and need to control.


• Lack of trust in self and/or others


• Lies, when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.


• Fear of being abandoned or alone


• Difficulty identifying feelings


• Overreacting to change.


• Constantly seeking approval and affirmation, yet having compromised sense of self.


• Problems with intimacy/boundaries


• Chronic anger


• Poor communications


• Inability to see alternatives to situations, thus responding very impulsively.


• Feelings of being different.

Healing from Codependency

Treatment includes education, individual therapy, group therapy and, couples and family therapy. Treatment often focuses on early childhood issues, repetitive patterns of destructive behaviors in relationships, and defense mechanisms.

Self-help for Co-dependency

The process of recovery from a codependent behavior takes time and hard work, but you can overcome your codependency in 3 simple steps.

Step #1: learn more about codependency.

The more you understand co-dependency the better you can control its effects. Libraries, rehab centers and mental health centers often offer educational materials and programs to the public. Also therapists can help you to learn to recognize your negative emotions and become aware of patterns in your destructive behavior.

Step #2: touch with childhood feelings

Because codependency is usually rooted in a person’s childhood, to see and feel buried feeling of childhood again is very important in the healing from Codependency. But because of painful these feelings you may be faced with the denial and procrastination. You can use mindfulness to overcome the denial. Mindfulness is a tool that enables person to look his or her perceptions, feelings, thoughts, behaviors, and physical and mental processes without judgment. Where not be judgment, there will be no pain and suffering. Then you can experience the buried feelings as a gradual and controlled process, and get rid of yourself.

Step #3: visualize your Ideal

Imagine a dream that you enjoy your independence and your happiness is not dependent on the presence of another person. Set goals to become your ideal. Remember the elevator of recovery is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.”

5 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Anonymous on August 1, 2018 at 3:18 am

    That’s quite a list

  2. Reblogged this on Powerful Beautiful & Wise and commented:
    I’ve had trouble accepting the label ‘codependent’. But the listed behaviors are very familiar. Rigidity and need to control and overreacting to change are especially true for me.

  3. I also see many behaviors my mindfulness practice has addressed.

    These behaviors can appear when stress or more trauma arrives.

    Amazing how the obvious, the clear reality escapes the cloudy vision we have

  4. I guess that explains why I organize drawers when I’m stressed. I used to hit the bourbon bottle, so I’ll accept the progress to drawer-straightening without judging myself.

  5. We can only go forward if we want a chance at happiness. Bring awareness when the drawer straightening happens, in a non judgmental way.

    Enjoy being in the midst of the straightening.

    I calm myself doing laundry or hanging up grandkids clothes.

    This task has form, discipline, habitual movements, so paying attention brings the mundane alive.

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