Christmas:~~~~~~~~gratitude was not easy for me!!!!


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Feeling unworthy, lacking self worth, was not a space where gratitude was plentiful, in fact anxious fear pervaded my spirit.
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I had no clue that gratitude was visible only with self acceptance, a calming of the critical self inquiry.
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My flaws, vulnerabilities were a full time project, having to conceal, improve, overcome or deny, continually. Nothing quelled that nagging feeling of inadequacy.
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My attention, dominated by worry, doubt and fear of being embarrassed, humiliated or scorned, grew stronger.
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Gratitude had little time in an anxious life of confusion, lacking direction.
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My mindfulness practice brought awareness of others suffering, need for necessities, the realization of how blessed I was.
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With this wellspring of gratitude permeating my spirit, I noticed how giving attention and taking action to support others had changed my life, attitude, developing a joyful heart.
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Now, when feelings of anger, fear, worry or doubt appear, I let them fade, and bathe in the soothing peacefulness, following my breath to this moment of life.
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The big change is where I invest my attention, simple.
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2 responses to this post.

  1. […] Christmas:~~~~~~~~gratitude was not easy for me!!!! (ptsdawayout.com) […]

  2. Posted by ptsdjedi on December 25, 2013 at 10:31 pm

    Thank you…I feel more at peace after reading this.

    Just spent another Christmas on my own. My PTSD stems from being caught in the Asian Tsunami, so I find Christmas particularly hard.

    http://ptsdjedi.wordpress.com/

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